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11/19/96 ".....my life's the disease....." i thought perhaps now would be a good time to put some of my thoughts down in html form. i've been noticing when i need to go out to go to the store or some such just how removed from the world i have become. the women at the chinese laundry wave and the guys at the magazine store where i buy my clove cigarettes say hi, but the great vacuous void that william gibson bestowed the moniker of cyberspace upon, seems to be my world of choice these last few years.....the life of a freelance web designer... but i don't think that it is the job that defines what my life is. a recluse from early childhood, life on the internet just seems to make sense. i live in a three bedroom converted loft in the soho section of nyc. my two roomates sarah and kevin seem to suffer from varying degrees of social ineptitude also, we believe our apartment has a curse upon it since none of us have had a date in years. ...well it's not all as desperate as it may sound, it's just that none of us ever meets anyone we really like, or if we do, they are otherwise involved, go figure. last week i bought a powermac 8500, spent a couple of days making it internet worthy...."throw system folder in trash, clean install new operating system, OT 1.1.1, free PPP, netscape, etc....." so much for re-entering the real world -- now i have two monitors glaring at me 20-someodd hrs a day. i fear radiation sickness. i fear old age, loneliness, poverty, homelessness, madness.... i am 36 years old, i want to lie about my age, it is so weird. luckily for me i look younger. also lucky i guess is the fact that i am old enough to have seen patti smith at cbgbs in the seventies and to have become a part of the original new york hardcore scene in the late seventies and early eighties, . seems like yesterday and at the same time a million years ago. that was before ronald reagan and george bush wrecked the country ..... before mtv... nihilism mixed with indestructability, 18 years old and opening up for the badbrains, blackflag, the misfits. hanging out with johnny thunders in the dressing room at max's kansas city, shovelling drugs and alcohol into our bodies like there was no tomorrow. as far as we were concerned there wasn't. it was an exciting and beautiful time to be alive, only we didn't realize it ... 18 years later, a whole lifetime later, here i am. here we are. perhaps another exciting time to be alive, when we get older will we sit around and reminisce about mosaic or the first netscape? the first server push animations, the days before the "net" just became another channel on our tv's? ah,..but i digress.... recently i re-discovered an old album: heaven up here, by echo and the bunnymen. it spins away on the turntable as i write. the mind reels and memories flood. i am writing this on my pc because it is like a old lover while the mac is the sexy new girl in my life. i'm still not used to her yet, she makes me feel nervous and awkward. (please excuse the sexual metaphor) ...anyway this is a start, it is hard to put your personal life up on the internet for the world to trample over, but as i said this is my world, and about as close as i get to real honest, pure, selfless, interaction.
a recluse in the land of supermodels, actors, new media superstars, escalating rents, sounds so glam, but believe me it isn't.
hopefully i will be adding to these pages soon, and hopefully someone will have found something that
they can relate to, perhaps some solace, or at least a turn-on to a good record.
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